If you go, go without burden

A friend of mine called me the other day and we chatted for over an hour about this and that, before she brought up that her mom is visiting Korea for the next few months. She told me how her mom had refused to visit for so long, making up different excuses every time.

"It's almost like she didn't even want to go," my friend said, "even though her whole family is still there."

It might sound strange or difficult to understand, but if your parent has been away from Korea for a long time, it can be really hard going back.

The country has changed so much that your parent might feel like the stranger in their own homeland. They get lost. If they've been away from Korea for even just ten years, they might not recognize many things. I think that is hard to accept, especially if they never adapted to their new country, either.

What is it like to be a perpetual stranger? What is it like to have missed out on the entire lives of your brothers and sisters? How do you cross that immense gap in just one short visit?

2017 한강 on a summer evening

I consider this idea of home and belonging all the time. It's central to many themes we discuss on The Halfie Project. I don't have any clear answers yet.

Coincidentally, another friend shared with me that her mother visited Korea, recently, too, after over 30 years living in Europe.

"It was so healing," this friend told me, "my mom felt like she could forgive herself for being away for so long."

Today, in our world that can be traversed by plane in just a few hours, it can sometimes seem like such an easy thing to pack a bag and spend a week in Korea. It can sometimes be confusing or frustrating when your parent refuses to do that, but simultaneously talks endlessly about how great Korea is or how they regret ever leaving.

There might be a lot more behind those complaints - I oftentimes think they mask a deeper fear of having been displaced, and not belonging at 'home' anymore. Reasonable fears, sometimes expressed in unreasonable ways.

Hopefully we can slowly hear the stories of our parents' lives, little by little, to help us understand why they do the things they do.

If you are making a visit to Korea sometime soon,
go without burden.

And get the 달고나 dalgona flavor at
Baskin Robbins - it's the best.