An Original Theory: The Four Foundations of Identity
What makes a person?
The color of our skin, the languages we speak, the country on our passports, the last name of our fathers, the land we grew up in… are these the things that make up an individual?
I know what you’re thinking. Both yes and no.
Our world is a complicated place and we make sense of it by organizing whatever we can into neat little boxes complete with neat little labels. Beneath each label is a description.
Let’s see… if we visualize our figurative boxes with a light-hearted example, it might look something like this:
Depending on who’s writing the description it can be very detailed. Maybe the label is completely wrong. Some labels are very difficult to write (and might offend you.) If you’re lucky, the labels have been written by the people actually inside the box (and for goodness sake, please be honest!) Sometimes, the labels have been scribbled over by the loudest person, the pen wrestled violently and unfairly from the original owner’s grasp. I’m sure you’ve heard that history is written by the victors.
Hey, who labeled these?? Some contributions are from textbooks, movies, politics…
You can probably see already where this causes trouble.
It’s a simplistic view of the world. Keeping everybody in a carefully labeled box makes it easy when organizing the way society will go. I can look at the label that says “Japanese” and say, ah! I know just where to put you. There you go, right next to the “Asian” box. Very quick and effortless. Then all I have to do is read the description on the box to tell me how to interact with you. Hopefully, the description is detailed and true enough to who you actually are. Otherwise, yikes. I might make an embarrassing faux pas (“you don’t wear ao dai? Oops, labeling error…”)
I trust you’re sufficiently amused and affronted enough by my boxes metaphor for me to move on. It’s sure to fall apart any moment now. It falls apart because the world doesn’t work that way, no matter how much we may try to fit every person neatly into their own clearly labelled box.
So I’d like to ask:
How, then, do we identify ourselves?
Now I’m not a scholar in the sense that I have degrees to back up all of my ideas. Everything is just my own observation, my own research through interactions with people who are asking these same questions about identity. And for the time being, with my limited knowledge, I’ve come to this conclusion that identity is built out of four foundational things. I know you know that I know (…I hope you know…) that identity is far more deserving of explanation than what can be described in a single essay. Many of us spend our whole lives seeking to understand who we are.
So, keeping that graciously in mind, I nevertheless break it down into four, broad elements.
None of these are put in any particular order with emphasis of importance in mind.
ETHNICITY & CULTURE
Perhaps ethnicity is a more obvious marker. This is written in your DNA, the physical similarities we have that connect us with other people. Culture binds us with our shared understandings of how our social group works. You speak the same language? You fit in with us. You have dark hair and dark eyes just like us? Well, you’re one of us! These physical traits, taught traditions and bequeathed heritage are symbols of your belonging to a whole.
FAMILY
I am a sister. I am daughter. Who I am is defined through relationships within my family. Your family might not physically look like you. They might not even be your blood relation. But they can be family nonetheless, and that is part of what defines you.
PERSONAL
This is what you carve out for yourself, the part that you discover over time and shape into the person you want to be. I am a singer. I am a writer. I am what I choose to be, what I develop myself into. These things also become part of identity.
SPIRITUAL
I think who we are is defined by something outside of us. Are we part of something bigger, something more mysterious and powerful than just our own flesh and blood? Do we have a spirit, will power, moral compass? For myself, I think these are parts of our humanity created by God.
Now the common phrase we hear from mixed race individuals is:
Who am I? That will tell me where I belong.
The trick to a well-rounded identity? I think it is balance.
The problem with this? In many cases - especially when we’re talking about biracial and/or multi-cultural people, adoptees, or kids from immigrant families - one or more of these foundations of identity are lacking in some way.
For example, as a Korean adoptee you might have grown up with a family different from your ethnicity. You may feel a disconnect in understanding your identity in terms of Ethnicity and Culture. Even Family.
Or many mixed Korean kids may feel obligated to choose one side of their heritage depending on many factors - where you live, which parent is more present in your life, how open your parents are to passing down culture and language, and even how ‘Korean’ you might look. Whether purposefully kept from discovering the Cultural and Ethnic foundations of your identity or whether you simply haven’t had the opportunity, at some point in your life you might feel that disequilibrium.
Kids of immigrant parents might be secure in their Ethnic and Cultural identity if their parents passed it down to them, but a surrounding community that doesn’t embrace or encourage your Ethnic and Cultural identity can cause you to feel ashamed of that part of yourself.
The journey of self exploration is made all the more difficult by the obstacles that just inherently exist in our lives - parents of different cultural and ethnic backgrounds, growing up in another country as an immigrant, being plucked from your homeland to grow up in a different family… all of these things that were not your fault become extra barriers that you cautiously reach your hand out to touch, trying to understand - sometimes with the support of others. Sometimes all by your struggling, lonesome self.
Your family, parents, friends, governments… there are many people who might have told you to just STOP once you’ve hit that barrier.
You don’t even look Korean.”
”You’ll never be accepted as Korean, so why bother?”
“You were lucky to be adopted. Why look back at the past?”
“We moved here for a better life. We must forget our old ways and assimilate.
— Alot of People
But I argue that in order for us to have a fuller, richer understanding of ourselves, we must gather our courage and feel out those barriers in order to grow past them. This may look like taking language classes. Asking your parents about their pasts. Visiting your home country. Re-connecting with family. Learning your fatherland’s cuisine. It means being brave enough to be hurt, rejected and confused along the way. I can only hope that the other foundations of your identity are strong enough to prop you up as you explore. In this way, we start to find Self Discovery, then hopefully continue to Self Acceptance.
Ethnicity, Culture and Family all involve others in order to accomplish balance in your identity. Up to a certain point, you may come to terms with these aspects of your identity without it being reciprocated or reaffirmed by others.
Sometimes it’s easier to just forget all that and turn inwards to your Personal identity. I understand. When you can work hard by yourself and show the world that you’re a Talented Musician or Great Lawyer or Award-Winning Actor, maybe the accolades and acceptance of the personal aspect of your identity will be enough… right? Only you can decide that for yourself.
The same can go for Spirituality. I’ve seen many overcome terrible heartbreaks and crushing disappointments in their lives because of the security they find in their Spiritual identities.
Every year, spring appears before my eyes, casting a mysterious and magical spell. It catches me off guard, no matter how much I long for it during the winter. Just like this, I think we all have seasons in our lives when we suddenly and unexpectedly are ready to explore a new part of ourselves. It can come out of nowhere. A significant moment might reveal something new about yourself. Or one day, you might just wake up and think, this is it, I’m moving to Korea just to see what my life might have been. For some reason or another, it’s now or never.
You’ll know when.
And if you’re curious and brave enough, thus the enigmatic Self becomes more known, loved and accepted.
